I think the one of the most difficult things to deal with in regards to Mom’s recovery is how vigilant we must be for the minutiae. Minutiae is actually become a favorite word of mine lately… There are always a ton of odds and ends to do in one’s life, but this entire thing has really taken it to an entirely different, almost professional level of b***s***.
I went through some of this with pops when he first moved in with us. It quickly became evident that there were elements of his life — administratively speaking — that had seen better days. And there were physical concerns we were facing as well; friends told us about how they’d gotten help with chair railings and safety equipment for their family members.
And so I went looking for help. He was a veteran, 90 years old, who had never sought the help due to him for his service to Country. While laudable that he had independently educated himself; built a career in construction, carpentry, and teaching; raising four children with his wife, I felt it was high time to accept help from those he had served. And it wasn’t long before I realized why so many of our older retired servicemen fall through the cracks… The system was brutal. And I was a lucky one! I had two amazing helpers inside the VA who held my hand and gave me incredible instructions to help us get through the maze. (Because Buffalo is amazing.) Pops could never have done it on his own. We did it together, and it still took close to a year before help was finally granted and arrived.
Fast forward to today, and I feel like I’ve started all over again but this time with Mom. Only she wasn’t a veteran, she was self-employed for most of her adult life… And this unfortunately has made all the difference in finding help.
Key word: unfortunately.
Previous experience is worth nothing. This is a whole different system. Getting through the VA was peanuts.
I thought there would be help through the state of Virginia, but a myriad of phone calls and epic Google searching seemed to turn up nothing so I turned to the federal level… I submitted paperwork, made many calls, left many messages… An appointment with Social Security was finally made… we would have to wait for a little more than a month and then someone would call us… I couldn’t believe it – what were we supposed to do for that month?!? After two and a half hours on the phone with a woman who was very kind, and very knowledgeable, she seemed to believe that mom would qualify for… NOTHING.
Mom is going to be recovering for almost 2 years! She should be a no-brainer for disability, right?!? What the hell is going on?
Health insurance has been no easier to attain… She was dropped from Blue Cross Blue Shield at the end of March in addition to my father being let go. Thank God this carried her through the worst of it or she would be out $800,000 instead of ~$12,000 so far.
There have been little victories: initially, the helicopter ride was denied by the insurance company… (that was $50,000 right there…) 4 months later, it was a relief that we were able to prove the ride was absolutely crucial to her survival and therefore the insurance company decided to pay the bill in full.
Only 14 more such bills to argue about.
And finding affordable health insurance? Pipedream.
Everyone that gets sick like this needs their own secretary… I wonder where they find them?
I am currently seeking legal assistance to get through the system and get Mom disability and health insurance. The costs are continuing to pile up, albeit slowly, and while they’re not astronomical, neither are her expenses at this time. (It’s not like we’re taking her out on the town every night or something!) It seems ridiculous to me that she wouldn’t qualify. That this is such a struggle.
If anyone can recommend someone in the Fredericksburg/Northern VA area that specializes in this sort of thing, I would love to have a talk with them… I would rather pay someone for help then continue the fight of a thousand paper cuts alone… let the powers of the online networking begin! Please, please PM me their info and I will follow up!
… Which also leads me to my next request: that you all take a moment to let my gratitude run away with itself again! Even if all you’ve done is leave a comment on one of these posts, it has been heard, it has been felt, and it has been appreciated. Many of you have done so much more than that: donating money on Mom’s GoFundMe (https://www.gofundme.com/colleen-mcelfresh-medical-fund), picking mom up and taking her out to lunch, bringing her by the gallery, writing her letters or texting her in the morning to wish her a good day. It’s all added up to an incredible support system, a network of prayers and smiles.
She’s blown away. I’m amazed. Dazzled.
And I don’t know why I didn’t think I wouldn’t like this: I don’t even like hugs, so, this has been a spectacular way to “feel the love” for me… You guys are awesome. Each and every one of you!
P.S. The rest of the Captain’s Log is all archived here, if you need a reminder about what a difference your support has made!http://www.mcelfglassworks.com/c…/familyledgers/captainslog/
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