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Captain’s Log: Colleen’s AVM Adventures Day 54 (The Rest Stop)

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Wednesday 2/7/2017 11:14PM

My Mom collapsed 54 days ago. 54 days. 54 days ago she stood for hours upon hours at a work bench making beautiful things and teaching other how to make beautiful things. Sharing her passion with kids and adults. Eating full meals, planning holiday mayhem. Today she stood for almost a minute before she started shaking like a leaf. By the end of minute two she needed a break.

I wanted to cry for her. I want to rip off my legs and give them to her.

Then I think about how far she’s come and I’m so unbelievably proud. She doesn’t need my legs. She just needs us to hold her a little longer and help her dance.

It’s only been 7 weeks. The first two weeks, she couldn’t even get out of bed. Now she’s STANDING! Her sense of humor, her determination is all still there. As long as I can help her keep the long view in focus, I know she’ll do this. So I get my badassery smartassness on and we smile and laugh and it’s awesome.

While she’s begun recuperating away from the hospital, there is still a lot of intensive care needed at this time and we’ve been quiet on the western front to give her some time to adjust to her new surroundings.

Tomorrow, it’s back to CAT scans and diagnostics so that we can plan the next few months assault on recovery.

In the meantime, mom gets a little stronger every day which means she’s awake for a few more minutes every day.

Which means she has more time for her grandkids and their antics.

For instance.

On my latest round trip South from Buffalo with the kids… we stopped at a rest area… obviously, to use, you know, the loo. For, you know, the reasons you need the gosh darn loo after your ump-teenth coffee!! So I haul the kids out of the car and into the bathroom and we get through the diapers and my little guy (holy cow, he’s almost THREE?!?! When did THAT happen?!?!) Anyway, my little guy makes for the exit and I’m like “Hold up, tater tot… Mommy’s turn.”

“Oh… why?”

“Because Mommy needs to use the potty, too.”

“Oh… why?”

“Because Mommy needs coffee to function, dude.”

“Oh, I want coffee.”

“No way, kiddo. Get in here.” And I get him into the big handicapped stall with me. The preferred stall of travelling moms everywhere…

Now look. Back, home, the only room in the whole darn house with a door on it is the bathroom. And Liam’s been getting interested in the whole potty thing. But mostly, at home, he’s excited about the door, not the *hem, hem* contents. So, you know… we’re getting to it.

For some reason, on this particular morning. We got there.

I’m just, you know… going through standard operating procedures… and Liam is just absolutely GIDDY with the excitement of it all.

“Oh, WOW, mommy! WoOoW! … Mommy’s PEEING!” He yells.

“Thank you, sweetie, how about we — ”

“WOW! Mommy, watcha DOIN’, Mommy?”

“Lia –” as he runs around to try to flush the potty I grab him “No, no, thank you, hon, give me space, would you?”

He then proceeds to rip off some toilet paper and hand it to me.

I happened to need another minute. Which he quickly figured out and running back around to the other side and to the back of the potty he now proceeds to shout out:

“Oh, MOMMY! Mommy POOP!! Mommy POOP!!”

I wanted to sigh with utter despair. But there was no time for that; to my complete and utter horror, it was absolutely about to get worse.

“Mommy, here it comes! Here it comes Mo — YOU GOT IT MOMMY! YOU GOT IT! YOU MADE POOP!”

I’m sure, hiding in that stall, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.

But wait.

Running around the potty as I slowly tried to regulate my breathing and gather my things, Liam grabbed the handle: “I want to flush it. … OH! Mommy! Mommy! You made TWO!”

Toddlers. Just spectacular.

Reliving the whole story over and over again for your mom’s benefit? While she sits up bouncing a baby on her lap? After eating a PB&J sandwich with you and said toddler? Who can pee by herself if the laughter gets too outrageous?

Priceless.

Effects like these… things that would never be happening unless all of this was happening… years it’s going to take us all to recover.

Gives a whole new meaning to pee-your-pants-funny right there.

I will NEVER stop at that rest station again. God forbid even the maintenance staff recognizes me…

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Life's too short for decaf coffee or annoying emails.

What I can't promise is regular, weekly emails. What I can promise is sporadic, humorous updates with a serious amount of gorgeous glassy adventures inside. Occasionally, there might even be a chance to join me for a cup o' coffee. (The really caffeinated kind!)

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