McElf GlassWorks

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Captain’s Log: “They of the Fine Behinds”

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I don’t know. Maybe mom just missed their butts.

Mom’s yesterday was boring. Mom… behaved? I mean… we’re just waiting to make sure the swelling goes down so that everything can get moving again so… we’re just… sitting around.

Today should be… boring.

WHICH IS GREAT! WHICH IS SPECTACULAR! This is exactly what the doctor wants! He wants her to be bored to tears with no headache.

OH THE DOCTOR! That’s all I hear about when I call… “Dr. Easy-on-the-Eyes” and the other Doctor that always comes with him, who is also “Not-so-Bad.” Yes, indeed. They have nice bums, I’ve heard. Over, and over, and over again.

You know how Mom gets when she’s drugged right? Sort of how she behaves when she’s drunk? NO!?!?? Oh, that’s right… she doesn’t actually drink so these things must be medically induced. Well, let’s just say she doesn’t have a lot of practice with mentally-altered-sillyness.

So.

Boring.

MY DAY wasn’t boring yesterday… Liam, my epically housebroken 3-year-old dropped trow and defecated under the slides at a very new, very large, very crowded public playground. We changed and kept on trucking, but later he peed there as well. Children came running up at me “MISS, MISS!” I didn’t know what to tell them… maybe there was something about the smell under there?

AND ALL THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST FEW HOURS!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa… parenthood.

I see people posting embarrassing pictures of their kids all the time “Aren’t they adorable?!?!” I’m going to go the Chaucer route I think… eviscerate my children in fiction…

Happy Tuesday, ya’ll.

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Life's too short for decaf coffee or annoying emails.

What I can't promise is regular, weekly emails. What I can promise is sporadic, humorous updates with a serious amount of gorgeous glassy adventures inside. Occasionally, there might even be a chance to join me for a cup o' coffee. (The really caffeinated kind!)

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